learntoquestion ltq discussions

How we see others is shaped by our initial perceptions of them. First impressions go a long way and can sometimes lead to a permanent brand on how we see that person. We also see each other by seeing what kind of similarities we see in them compared to ourselves. I think a big factor in how we see ourselves is shaped by how we think others perceive us. We will make choices that are grounded in our personal beliefs. People will want to make choices that align with their personal values. It is important for us to be aware of our own values because they impact how we see the world, perceive others, and how we see ourselves. People tend to hold themselves to a higher standard of ensuring that they follow their own moral compass. When faced with difficult situations people tend to go with the majority even if that goes against their personal values; this leads to cognitive dissonance and social conformity.

The roots of our identity are not very malleable. As said in the poem, “Identity,” it is important and essential to be "harnessed in a pot of dirt”; meaning that our core values must remain stable and rooted in our own “pot of dirt” (Pollanco). Our identity has room to grow into “flowers” but the roots and core experiences that shaped who we are and the core of our identity will never change (Pollanco). Society and the people around us have a heavy influence on how we perceive the world and also our opinions on different social issues. Social media, similarly, has the ability to blind us into having a very narrow perspective, when, in reality, there is a plethora of information and different points of views in the world. Also, our willingness to conform to what others think just so we can "fit in” and “seem normal” has the power to change our own values. Sometimes social conformity can limit our views of others and lead to the unfair judgment of those who have differing opinions than the majority. People will tend to set their own personal values aside when “put on the spot” just to avoid the potential judgment from others.

I learned so much about other people's values and identities by looking at their vessels. The vessels really created a platform for people to showcase the most unique and special parts of their identity. No one vessel was the same as another, which really helped me to see our individuality and the value of our differences. The vessels were able to tell a story about their lives, family, friends, hobbies, values, and etc. Creating these vessels allowed people to showcase their true identities without receiving judgment and opinions from others. There was so much beauty in the uniqueness, personal touch, and individuality in each vessel. If I had not been able to see others' vessels, I may have never learned about the parts of their identity that they value the most. I got the opportunity to learn about others' experiences and values that have shaped who they are today. Everyone's identity is important, special, and unique; the vessels created a space where everyone could share the best parts of themselves, free of judgment and criticism. People tend to hide parts of themselves because they fear being judged by others, but in this case, everyone has the creative freedom to showcase themselves. Learning more about others allowed me to have a deeper understanding of my classmates and their experiences.

What shapes how we view others and vice versa is generally dictated by intricate systems of sociality. While at a basic level, it’s true that our inter-opinions depend on interactions with one another, equally true is that such interactions are conducted through a myriad of social and cultural pretenses. To give an example, while it’s true that a fantastic resume may sway an interview in your favor, other things contribute to (or detract from) your likelihood of landing the job, too: physical presentation, ability to speak, eagerness, perhaps charisma, as well as potential biases on behalf of the interviewer are all perception-changing factors. Therefore, how we view others and vice versa boils down not merely to words, nor dress, nor any other one aspect of ourselves, but to countless things, with many of which lying just beyond our immediate recognition and/or control.

It is my opinion, then, that thankfully, our identities are often held faster to us than others’ perceptions of us. It comforts me to know that no matter how I am perceived, I am the ultimate source of those perceptions. Thus, change (whether for comfort’s sake, survival’s sake, etc.) is possible. This sort of leads into a second question of exactly how our identities impact our personal and social choices, to which I respond: identity, in tandem with factors such as society and culture, is an incredibly influential lens through which we act daily. And indeed, where we ourselves are concerned, identity is often the most influential lens there. Whereas identity plays a comparatively small (though still considerable) role in how we view others and vice versa, identity takes center stage when it comes to looking inward, and by extension, how we then make choices and interact with the world. After just a few minutes of stalking around the Seevak room on Friday, I began to observe a throughline where identity is concerned: within most people’s vessels were physical objects that can only be assumed to hold some level of significance to the creators of those vessels. Not unlike Claude McKay in his 1922 poem “I Know My Soul,” wherein he “plucked my soul out of its secret place / And held it to the mirror of my eye,” it would seem that likewise it occurred to many of us that an ideal definition of one’s identity would involve tangible, observable things—things that, though fuzzy reasoning, could stand in for our characteristics in purest form. In essence, given that we cannot simply “pluck” our “soul[s]” from our bodies for sharing and observation, many of us settled upon certain physical objects as representatives of ourselves: the question I now pose is, why? Is it perhaps that we assume that objects can communicate sentimentality more efficiently or effectively than words, even knowing that everyone’s association with certain objects is subjective?

It’s impossible to truly know everything about someone else. I have people in my life that I am extremely close to, and share my innermost thoughts with. Nonetheless, I cannot surely say that they know my “identity” like the back of their hand.

The Identity Vessel project had a small part of this in mind — to introduce us to others’ identities, the identities of our peers, some of whom we know, some we have never heard of before in our lives. However, I think that what the project failed to do was to scare students.

Not to scare them like a horror movie, a jumpscare, or a mean teacher. I mean scare students into looking into themselves. Finding what makes them uncomfortable. Diving deep into the hidden pockets of their identity. The places others, even their best friends, have never seen before. The things even the students themselves didn’t know before this project. This, to me, is where we can truly discover and share our “identity” — the all-knowing of who we are.

I still learned many things from this project. I learned that even in a project about our identity and things people don’t know about us, we are egotistical creatures. We want to show off what we have. We still project a certain view of ourselves to the world — us with our friends, us looking happy, us with things we’re good at. We rarely show off the negative. What makes us scared, sad, uncomfortable — all of that is still part of our identity.

According to a quote by Nathan Jurgenson featured in the article “How Social Media Shapes Our Identity” by Nausicaa Renner, photos capture their subjects in a “‘stilling sadness that kills what it attempts to save in a fear of losing it’”. In my opinion, we are scared of others seeing our darkest areas that we essentially preserve the “good” parts of ourselves in amber pendants and wear them as jewelry, handing them out for free to those we deem deserving to wear it.

When we expose dark parts of ourselves to the world, as I have learned and discovered, negative results occur. When we try to be more vulnerable with our feelings, we are shunned. When we come to terms with our faults, other people catch onto those faults and use them to their advantage — to build themselves up and break us down with our own weapons.

I have experienced this personally. In a past relationship, while I was experiencing anxiety and depression, I tried to be open with my partner, hoping they would understand what I was going through. Instead, I was manipulated to think that my emotions, part of my identity, were my fault.

Our identities are fickle. Ever changing, ever fluid, and always wanting to be accepted. We want others to see the light in us so maybe, eventually, we can show them the dark.

When I think about what shapes my identity, I realize that while viewing the vessels of others that the choices I make, my culture, my appearance, all the way others see me all shape me. My identity vessel helped me to realize which objects I would choose to represent my identity, and what I want others to see about me. For example, I decided to include a rosary (religious beads used for praying), a picture of me and my Mami, a fan from the DR, an edge booster, the word nice, and bougie, a picture of my dog Josiah, a picture of a dancer and I chose to present my vessel in the form of a jewelry/makeup box. I feel these items represent my identity and values. All these items represent a deeper part of who I am that many may not see at a surface level. I really liked Kenneth's vessel as it was very noticeable that he thought outside the box. Kenneth's vessel to me was very personal and hands-on, as he had music and headphones so we could listen to the music he enjoys. I thought this detail was very creative and personal. Although all the vessels were very thoughtfully created, they made me realize how much social media, family, culture/ethnicity, and our interests truly shape us all. Seeing each of my classmates' vessels helped me understand that we shouldn't be so quick to judge or so quick to think we truly know someone. Identity isn’t one thing; instead, there are layers to everyone's identity that do not always show at first glance.

This connects to “The Complexity Of Identity: Who Am I?” By Beverly Daniel Tatum. Tatum stated, “The parts of our identity that do capture our attention are those that other people notice, and that reflect to us.” This resonated with me, as when I was looking at the vessels of my peers, I noticed people highlighted things they knew others would expect from them, and sometimes they hide what many overlook or may not want to hear about or see. Society limits a lot of what people do through social media, stereotypes, gender/social roles, expectations, etc. But as people grow up, they tend to shy away from these limits, they discover new parts of themselves, and begin to understand who they truly are. These pressures can both restrict us as individuals, but also give people the opportunity to truly understand different aspects of themselves. It’s both freedom and limitation.

The vessels showed me, while yes, my identity is influenced by my family, environment, and culture, but it's also something that is ever changing. We get to choose what we would like to choose from others, what we would like to present to the outside world, and how we would like to connect with our peers/our environments. My vessels and the vessels of my classmates show that we are always evolving.

The identity vessels, especially the inner aspect, provided me with a deeper understanding of my peers and how they identify. Almost everyone had different items inside their box than outside, which suggests that people have identities that are more than just how they are viewed. I was confused as to why some people had horrible self-portraits on the outside of their boxes, but their explanations clarified that this is how people perceive them. For example, I saw one box that had words similar to “loser, short, and failure.” In the explanation, it said that this is how people have told him he was viewed. He then went on to say that he doesn’t take these comments to heart and has a whole personality that people don't even know. While the outside of his box was plain (how people supposedly view him), the inside of his box was filled with all of his hobbies and everything that mattered to him (the inside was more decorative and filled with a wealth of talents and interests).

Another box that I examined simply had a black color and basketballs on top of it. When I saw this, I was very surprised, but I further learned that the box was designed like this to show that when people meet him, they only think, BLACK… BASKETBALL. These are, unfortunately, societal stereotypes that have come into place for people with black skin. However, even though he did like basketball, when you opened his box (just like my peer whom I mentioned earlier), there were so many different aspects of his identity that people who view him from the outside would never even know (especially if they base their biased judgment on stereotypes).

Connecting on the idea of race, I noticed that a lot of minority students embraced their ethnic identity, skin color, and religion, while “dominant” students didn't take this into account. This concept was shown in The Complexity of Identity by Beverly Daniel, where he speaks about the fact that in our society, dominant groups are the norm, and Miller points out that, “dominant groups generally do not like to be reminded of the existence of inequality.” As a real-life example, the inside of people's boxes included the Dominican flag, a Jewish star, or even an African-shaped pendant.

Both of my friends have very different views of how they interact with others, and it’s made me wonder how they’ve perceived my interactions with them: does my friend who’s generally a conformist actually find the jokes I make funny, or do they only laugh to make me happy? Alternatively, does my friend who’s generally a non-conformist ever adapt to social norms, or are they dedicated to staying true to themselves? Regardless of whether someone conforms to society’s expectations or rejects them, everyone’s interactions with the world are influenced by outside social factors. But exactly what made these identity vessels so different from one another is difficult to answer. Some of my perceptions of myself originate from low self-esteem and a need for validation, influenced by family. Whether it is family, friends, society, or social media that influenced these students’ perceptions of themselves is incredibly difficult to trace back, but it is certainly one of or a mix of those factors.

Figuring out who we are is a wild ongoing conversation and a lot of it comes down to the people who are around us. Beverly Tatum really shows this with the idea of the "looking glass self." What it is is basically that we see ourselves reflected back in how other people see us. Friends, family, strangers on the street. They all hand us messages about who we are. And the tricky part is if you belong to a group of people that are considered the norm white, straight or male you might not think that much about that piece of your identity. It kind of just feels like the default setting.I had noticed some vessels from people of Irish descent. Maybe just looking at them from the outside you'd be like oh they don’t really have an identity they're a part of their white. On the contrary I saw multiple Ireland flags and mentions of Irish sports such as hurling.

But if you're often seen as different you can't escape it. The identity becomes a part of a lens you can't take off. And that lens shapes everything. Who we spend time with, the jobs we decide to chase and where we feel comfortable settling down. For some people they feel like they have infinite options. For others they feel like they have to move through a maze, doors that don't open and paths that weren't designed for them. So we have to adapt. Sometimes we change how we act to blend in and other times we resist.

The main difference between personal and social identity is that our personal identity is the stuff that makes us us. Our humor, values, whether we're loud at events or choose to hide in the crowd. Social identity on the other hand is tied to the groups we belong to and just as important how the world treats those groups. But the catch is that we can't pull the two apart. They're tangled.

At the same time, it is important to acknowledge that identity is always changing and not a fixed concept. However, society sometimes can be very restricting on how we want to portray ourselves and our identities. Nausicaa Renner’s essay How Social Media Shapes Identity argues how digital spaces amplify certain versions of our identities, while severely limiting others, creating an almost fake, curated identity (Renner). Various of my classmates had featured their instagram profiles on the outside of their vessels, showing the fakeness that comes with these social media sites. People tend to just post their most extravagant life events, such as a holiday or concert, showing their peers a specialized version of themselves. Social norms, stereotypes, and online platforms encourage a standardized way of living and thinking, eliminating many aspects of a person’s identity.

Ultimately, personal and social identities are connected, but not identical. From the outside, you can only see the tip of the iceberg when it comes to someone’s identity. The vessels gave me a clearer picture of how my peers navigate this balance, but also what they don’t show off to the world. This project was very useful for helping me have a better understanding of who my classmates are and reaffirmed the idea that you can’t judge a book by its cover.

Works Cited

Renner, Nausicaa. “How Social Media Shapes Identity.” The New Yorker, 8 Sept. 2017, www.newyorker.com/culture/persons-of-interest/how-social-media-shapes-identity.

Tatum, Beverly Daniel. The Complexity of Identity: Who Am I? In Readings for Diversity and Social Justice, edited by Maurianne Adams et al., Routledge, 2013, pp. 6–9.

From observing my peers’ identity vessels, I learned that pre-conceived notions about others are often far from the truth, and that I am only able to see what someone chooses to show the world about themselves before I really get to know them. Claude McKay’s poem “I Know My Soul” eloquently states “I need not gloom my days with futile dread,/ Because I see a part and not the whole.” This portion of the poem both resonated with me and connected to the identity vessels because I discovered so many new and intricate details about classmates from their vessels and personal statements. I realized that I walk through the halls of Boston Latin School with only fragments of people’s personalities, because no one truly wants to share their whole self with classmates, or in some cases even close friends.

Personal and social identities are certainly connected, but social identities can often be formed by others, even if an individual does not wish to be viewed in that way. I think there is great value in individual identities because we are all able to recognize the objects, people, and moments in life which we believe define us as humans. A collection of memories which only we possess is something that should be held dear, and a large component of how we view ourselves. I enjoyed writing my personal statement because I was able to share less about the adjectives I would use to describe myself, and share more on the special experiences which have stuck with me throughout the years.

Especially in high school, rumors are common, and I was able to connect the idea of fundamental attribution theory to judgement of peers before pausing to learn more about them. I have often found myself avoiding certain people because of a rumor I heard about them instead of considering the circumstances they may have found themselves in at the time. Reading the personal statements was a refreshing reminder that everyone leads vastly different lives, and you may not have any idea what a student in your class is going through or why they decided to make a certain choice. All in all, I was truly surprised by the stories I read and observed through the identity vessel project, and I appreciated the reminder it provided that everyone is different because of the multi-faceted circumstances we all find ourselves in throughout life.

After looking at all of the different identity vessel projects I realized how much of an impact social media has on all of us and how it changes how we are viewed. For instance, one student decided to base her project on social media and on the outside she put pictures of her on social media and how people perceive her, while on the inside she put young pictures of herself and pictures that she believed truely described her. However, in her explanation she admitted that both identities are hers, and that she also identifies with the person that other’s view her as. I believe that this can be attributed to the fact how many of us are prone to succumb to our interpersonal selves or the person other’s view us to be. For instance, in class we talked about how many people try to act the way that other’s believe them to be. This can be seen in social media and how some people post pictures of themselves that push a certain narrative when their lives aren’t necessarily like that. Many try to live a fake life on social media for other’s, leading to a false identity being established that they feel they have to live up to. An article called “The Complexity of Identity: “Who Am I?” attempts to convey this when it says “who am I? The answer depends in large part on who the world around me says I am. Who do my parents say I am? Who do my peers say I am?”(The Complexity of Identity). In this excerpt, the author credits a large part of who we are to the person that people close to us believe us to be. For instance, the article uses friends, family, or lovers as an example of this. I believe that this phenomenon to be who others believe us to be is because of the conformity theory that we learned about in class. The theory states that people are willing to forego who they are in order to be part of a group. I believe that many people will give up their true selves in order to be part of a group that other’s say they are. I think this is very dangerous which is why for my project I truly thought about what made me special and what I truly value in myself, not what other’s think I value. Doing this I discovered that most of the views others have of me are actually very accurate to my identity, however there are also many aspects of myself that people just arent aware of but affect me greatly.