learntoquestion ltq discussions

How we see ourselves and how we see others are very closely related. How we see ourselves is informed by our experiences and our interests, and in some part how we want to be seen, but it is also informed by the way others perceive us. Self-esteem and self-image factor greatly into how we perceive ourselves. We either seek to further ourselves or align ourselves with the ways we are seen by other people; some misconceptions about our identities may cause us to want to act differently or treat others differently while positive perceptions make us eager to continue the approval, even on a subconscious level. This connects to the idea of the social conformity theory--we want to be welcomed by the majority.

At the same time, however, our actual identity is not really malleable by others--but the perception of our identity is. This is true whether the perceiver is us or an outsider. “How Social Media Shapes Our Identities” talks about how we increasingly live in an age where nothing is forgotten. Old pictures, messages, embarrassing videos--these things don’t represent who we define ourselves as anymore, yet the perception of us remains. The opposite is also true--you can mess up and still be the same person you were, even if outside opinion shifts. It really depends on the perceiver. If you align yourself with one party’s political beliefs, a member of a different party might judge you as a morally corrupt person (whether you are or not), whereas a peer would take no issue. This connects to the ingroup-outgroup idea.

I remember someone’s identity vessel had a mirror in it, and they talked about how other people will view the same identity differently in their response. Another vessel had red and blue light to allow you to only see one or another set of photos at a time. I thought both of these were very compelling, because they show how it really depends on your perspective of a person or the parts of their identity. Our individual experiences which make up our individual identities impact our individual perceptions of one singular person. No two people are exactly the same, nor will two people see the same thing in exactly the same way. This is part of why we judge people before we know them at all.

One example is religion. Christianity for some people is a welcoming, safe space and others find it unwelcoming or even alienating. This can lead to generalization about groups from either side--a Christian might assume someone who isn’t religious to be morally corrupt, just as someone who isn’t religious might extend their assumptions of the beliefs a Christian holds beyond the religious and into the political. They could assume the Christian holds prejudices against certain groups, whether that is true or not, because of their experience with some members of the religion. In reality, the two could’ve been best friends--that’s why it’s so important to learn to undo these assumptions of other people.

Our identity can be shaped by countless things: age, race, social class, economic class, when we were born etc. As Claude McKay says in I Know My Soul, “this awful key to my infinity” has a huge impact on our personal and social choices. Let’s take race for example. When children get older, let’s use highschool as an example, they tend to develop friend groups with people that look like them. Especially in BLS, many friend groups consist of people that are brown skinned. Because society puts a label on our skin tones White, Black, Brown etc, we have been conditioned to believe that people with the same skin tone are the same, or people perceive them as one group of people with similar identities. This goes for the inside group and the outside group. So people with similar skin tones tend to create friend groups with each other under the perception that they would feel safer or relate to each other more. However that’s not entirely true, within that same group where everyone is perceived to be so alike, one student has heritage that came from the Atlantic Slave Trade and was lost throughout years of slavery and another student has direct ancestry and heritage from Africa and their parents might be immigrants. These two individuals grew up completely different with different discipline styles different cultures yet society perceives them as completely the same which in turn allows these two individuals to view themselves as the same as well. What this shows is that our identity really is malleable, it’s so malleable that the public can sometimes get us to think negative things about ourselves that are not true at all. Usually with the help of social media.

One thing I noticed while going around the room and looking at the vessels was that I didn’t really know people. Even people I consider close friends, I didn’t really know who they were. I knew their school personality but not their real personality. I didn’t know their hobbies or what they truly thought about themselves. People I only knew by name as well, I’d only heard rumours about them and had not taken the time to actually know them. Like Khalil Gibran writes in Fear, “The river needs to take the risk / of entering the ocean” the river being me and the ocean being everyone else, “because that's where the river will know / it's not about disappearing into the ocean, / but of becoming the ocean.” I need to let go of the fear of talking to people so that I will truly get to know people more. Instead of being afraid that people won’t want to know who I am, I should take the first step instead.

Personal and social identities are intertwined and ultimately the way in which you are perceived by others can influence how you view yourself and even change actions and behaviors in order to form an acceptable social identity. The desire to be part of a social group or create a sense of belonging, explained by the social conformity theory, can lead to us creating a facade or hiding essential parts of ourselves. Despite the fact that we might be more likely to support actions in line with those of the community that we are a part of our individual identities can also prevent us from disassociating too much from our true selves, as this would lead to dissonant feelings.

While perception of identity by others can affect one's social identity it can not necessarily alter or shape individual perceptions of yourself. In the poem “I Know my Soul” by Claude McKay, McKay states that as he contemplates the idea of identity he is “comforted by this narcotic thought: I know my soul.” This thought can connect to the idea that no matter how much society is able to alter your behaviors or actions and drive you to change your outer self, it can never change your soul, your true self. While personal identity is not very malleable our perception of others is very easily influenced. As the fundamental attribution error theory suggests in order to comfort ourselves we oversimplify others behaviors by attributing them to personality traits. This can cause us to be less open to accept the true identities of others and their personal development.

The identity vessels that we created for this project were very insightful and compelling. The creativity and personal nature of many of the vessels, such as the quilt and the “abstract tree”, was beautiful and it truly showed me just how much I don’t know about so many of my peers. While the outside of the vessels often reflected how I might have described some of my peers based on first impressions or what I have heard about them, the inside provided a new dimension representing each person's unique and important identities.

The very first mistake I made before looking at the identity vessels of my peers was one that I didn’t even realize - I had stepped into the room with expectations. I expected to already know many of the elements on my closest friends’ identity vessels, and expected for any negative perceptions that I had of someone to be confirmed. I couldn’t explain why I thought that, I just did. Of course, to my surprise, both assumptions were quickly proven wrong. I learned that it’s impossible to think you truly know someone, especially considering that we rarely see past the surface level of who they may present themselves to be or who others claim they are. It ‘s also shocking to think that the things on these vessels may still only represent a fraction of someone’s whole identity. Not only did I discover new things about people who I may have never talked to before, but I discovered completely new things about my own friends. This experience made one thing very clear to me: while our identities are certainly shaped by our beliefs, experiences, and interests, the line between how we view ourselves and how we hope to be viewed by others is often blurred. In their personal statements, many of my peers expressed how they don’t have a solid idea of who they truly are. Instead, they resort to crafting an identity that aligns with how they want to be perceived by others. It’s easier, in a way. Many of the elements on the outside portion of the vessels reflected things that I think help us blend in more to our environment, or rather “belong”. Like how others mention in their reflection, I came to the uncomfortable realization that our identities are constantly being shaped by our desire to fit in. In that sense, I do believe that identity can be malleable, marginally but surely adjusting to be a part of the “in group”. I’ve realized that it’s almost scary to feel as if you’re being perceived a certain way that doesn’t align with the norm, despite if that is simply who you are, and it feels much more comfortable to tweak ourselves at the cost of our individuality. For some classmates, the outside of their vessels were riddled with negative attributes and images, reflecting the wrongful assumptions of others. The inside of their boxes, however, were filled with things that many people would never guess, things that most people enjoy and do. We often judge and make assumptions about others, not realizing that we are actively reinforcing these ideas of the “norm” and the “them groups”. In his poem, Identity, Julio Noboa Pollanco proudly claims that he’d rather be a “tall, ugly weed” than a “flower…harnessed to a pot of dirt (Pollanco 1-3, 22)”. He emphasizes the idea of embracing your identity and the fact that sacrificing parts of who you are simply to appear as what society wants you to be is never worth it. Although identity is so complex, and it’s difficult not to succumb to the expectations of the people around us, this project was a great reminder that there is more to people than meets the eye, and that we shouldn’t be afraid of being the “tall, ugly weed” in a field of flowers.

“O Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou Romeo?” (Shakespeare). Experts of Old English will know that “wherefore” is not defined as “where” but rather “why.” What makes Romeo Romeo? Why are we the people we are? What impacts how we see ourselves and the people around us? A plethora of questions regarding our behaviors and very existence accompanies the Identity Vessel Project. Let’s dive in.

Our self-image is a fragile, ever-changing entity. For instance, if we have a certain idea of ourselves, yet our actions contradict said image, we find ourselves in the moral and psychological discomfort known as cognitive dissonance. This conflict that arises when our actions oppose our self-image reveals that we don’t fully understand our identities at all. Alternatively, we are not so quick to forgive others for their actions. Humans naturally characterize the people around them based on their assumptions, and we tend to assume the worst. This results in the insecurity of fitting into the outward persona that we have made for ourselves as well as the image that others make us out to be. Not only does this limit how well we know each other, but it inhibits our ability to truly understand ourselves.

In this digital age, our online image becomes the determinant of the kind of person we are. In “How Social Media Shapes Our Identity,” Nausicaa Rainer argues, “New technology…allows us to produce a narrative of our lives” (Rainer 2). On social media, we meticulously design personas to present to the world as “ourselves.” It seems that we’re sure exactly who we want to be, which influences what we do, who we talk to, and how we treat others. But that’s not really us.

As I was looking through all of the identity vessels of people who I had known throughout my time at BLS, but not very well, I kept thinking how well they all seemed to know themselves. Every small detail on the front and in-depth analysis in the box surprised me, though it was the vessel that had the mirror in it that caught my eye. We all base our own identities off of how others see us. The preconceived notions of society shape how we act and how we group ourselves in the world. What informs these standards in society are the people around us, who reinforce the ideals of you we are supposed to be. Mirrors are a symbol in our identity, Beverly Daniel Tatum states in their essay ¨The Complexity of Identity: ´Who am I?´¨, ¨As social scientist Charles Cooley pointed out long ago, other people are the mirror in which we see ourselves¨ (1). This quote pairs well with the inclusion of the mirror in the identity vessel, because when you open it up you are forced to reckon with the ways in which you see yourself. The ways that others see you shape your identity, and though only you know how you feel on the inside, the pressures of society and the things we are told by others are the biggest contributing factors to our identities. These vessels mostly show images on the inside of the people who are closest to us, family and friends, but what that implies is that those people are the ways your identity is made up. It is how others see you that influences your own self-image, not how you see yourself.

These identity vessels helped me realize that you don’t know who people actually are, you don’t know their thoughts, or even what has significant value to them. You are only able to see what you see on the outside, not who an actual person is, and that isn’t fair because you are forcing yourself to believe you know someone when you really don’t, and it shows that you shouldn’t judge a book by its cover. A lot of people did girly things to represent their femininity like myself, or pictures of their family and friends which were very important to them as well, which everyone may not know, or even how their culture plays a daily role in their lives. A big factor which plays a role in how we view things and in today's society and generation is social norms, and the validation of our society. We see ourselves, and others based on the standards that this population has made. The standards that society has created has forced us that only certain things should be accepted and are good, which causes people to follow these views or believe they have to be included in it so that they can get the validation of the world, and not be seen as wildly different. For example, how one looks, their shape and size, how they dress, hairstyle, how they act, and etc. These identities that people form to fit in with society can however be completely different to their personal identity or what they want to show on the outside because instead of sticking to their true selves, they fall in the view of the populations, and if they are not within the standards of the society, it can cause low self-esteem with their identity which makes them not want to reveal who they truly are as it can lead to internal doubts and conflicts, and can lead to insecurities. So, social media can be a major effect which can lead to certain standards which are created in our society, just like how my peers felt the same way, that social media and society’s standards can affect how you think and how one truly shows who they are on social media or out, just for the validation of ours and to “fit in”. From “How Social Media Shapes Our Identity”. “The Internet interrupts the privacy of this era; it tends to scale up mistakes to monumental proportions, and to put them on our permanent Records” (Renner 1). Renner highlights how taking risks without fear is a way of teenagers representing their true selves without feeling a sense of judgment, however that fear comes from not wanting to be judged from society’s standards, which can lead to teenagers refraining on being their true selves but portraying these false perspectives of their lives which can lead to insecurities in others because then the other child will want to be seen as “perfect” just like how they seen on social media.

When I went on the gallery walk and looked at all the different identity vessels I saw completely different sides of my peers' identities. There were so many things I would’ve never thought to ask or even think about unless they were a close friend. Looking at the vessel made me realize how much we conceal are ideanties to others around us. On the outside I noticed that a lot of people mentioned the same things, family, sports, and common adjectives. Once you looked inside it was like a whole new person with endless hobbies and out of the ordinary facts. When I read The Complexity of Identity:“Who Am I?” by Beverly Daniel Tatum the line that stuck out to me was “Integrating one’s past, present, and future into a cohesive, unified sense of self is a

complex task that begins in adolescence and continues for a lifetime.... The salience of

particular aspects of our identity varies at different moments in our lives.” (Tatum 2) Our identities are not a set idea, but something that changes over time due to outside influences and inner conflict. No one can know exactly everything that has ever happened to you or influenced you to make the decisions you’ve made today, but you can present a certain idea of yourself. Society may see you as one thing and not catch up with the version of yourself but that’s ok too. We may be limited by what society wants us to be, but we can always change and redesign ourselves to what we believe to be the best versions of ourselves.

I think one of the things that surprised me the most was seeing the different things that people associate with their identity so closely. I also found it interesting to see what people chose to encapsulate their identities. For example, I saw this one vessel that was a pointe shoe, which could be associated with their perspective of themselves or others perspective, seeing as the pointe shoe made up both the inside and outside of the vessel. I also thought that one of the vessels that had a zipper to reference being closed off was a very interesting and cool way to symbolize such a common trait. I also feel like after seeing the vessels that there are an infinite amount of things that can affect one's identity and the internal and external presentation of it. It was also really cool to see how many people seemed to be very secure in knowing their identity, and I think it takes a really mature person to be able to do that. In the article “The Complexity of Identity: “Who Am I?” The author says “The salience of particular aspects of our identity varies at different moments in our lives. The process of integrating the component parts of our self-definition is indeed a lifelong journey.” I think this quote is really interesting to think about though in comparison to people’s identity vessels because so many people included aspects of their identity that they have closely associated with since they were kids, which really plays into the idea of identity over time because even though some aspects of identity vary at times, there are some that stay a part of you for a long time. I also think that the concept of identity searching being a lifelong process is an incredible thing to think about because it demonstrates how much your life changes and how you never really know what is going to happen, therefore you never really know what is going to happen and what experiences are going to shape you.