learntoquestion ltq discussions

Our own experiences are the biggest factors that determine how we see ourselves and present ourselves to the world. Depending on how you were raised, what groups you grew up with, or whatever relationships you may have made, your identity is made from these experiences. Our individual identities our what we think of ourselves, and so in a public setting we choose which parts to show or hide of ourselves. While looking at the identity vessels, it was guaranteed that there were ideas and beliefs that we believed in, but chose not to share. We recently discussed the idea of conformity and it is all the more relevant now. Our social identity is the identity we make for the public, which has been tuned to appease them or disagree with them to whatever extent we deem fit. Our social identity isn't us, because it is constantly changing and being molded by the beliefs of the people around us, because if it isn't we fear scrutiny. The identity vessels reflected this, with the way other people saw them being vague, generic, and unoffending, such as “funny”, “chill”, or “smart”, while the inside displayed personal hobbies and beliefs that may have isolated them from other people. Some facts I found from my friends or people I hadn't ever met but automatically put them into certain categories I would have never known for this project. As I recently mentioned, our brains use limited information to make decisions, unfortunately at the subconscious level. People do not share intimate information due to fear of ostracization, and even confident people who do can often face backlash for doing just that. Our brain has been programmed since ancient times to create groups, with the one you are in being the optimal one, and others being worse. Even if it is a hobby that hurts no one, like enjoying video games, that can be quickly used against you to put you in the “out” group. All of these factors lead to people hiding who they are, and trying to conform and blend into the group as best as they can.

I noticed that some pieces contradicted themselves. For example one person described themselves unapologetically themselves and then went on to say that they dont want anyone to think that they are a big bully. I wonder if how we think others view us is not completely accurate but merely a reflection of our own insecurities and who we DONT want to be or the parts of us that are unimportant to us. We automatically assume that what others think of us is dissonant to how we think of ourselves. I also noticed that a lot of how we thought others perceived us were negative, while what we thought of ourselves were largely positive. Obviously this can not be universally true because we dont all have perfected confidence and completely positive self-esteem. I believe that this was cognitive dissonance at play; when we look at our personal identity we only see the positive parts of ourselves. Looking at different identity vessels I noticed that a lot of what defined who we are, were the societal groups that we associate with such as ethnicity, religion, and race. A lot of what comprised our identity is what we considered our ¨in-groups¨. I believe that the most important thing that I gained from the Idenity vessel project was getting to learn more about my peers and how even though we share classes with them or are even friends with them, it is hard to get a complete understanding of who they really are as a person.

Before seeing all the different vessels and reading each person’s statement, I would’ve made the assumption that our identities are entirely malleable. I believe it’s that idea that people want to be liked, people want to fit in, so they find themselves giving up parts of themselves in order to seem “normal”. After seeing the vessels, I have come to realize that yes, our identities may be partially malleable but there are some things within that we just don’t show and those parts don’t ever get lost, they are just hidden. People don’t lose those traits and characteristics, they just tuck them away where people won’t see. The character that people create of themselves on the outside can be entirely different from the person they really are, and through seeing the vessels, I saw an entirely different side of that person, a side I would’ve never seen before. The poem “Fear” by Khalil Gibran really made me think about how people must take in different perspectives to things. At the end of the poem, Gibran writes, “it’s not about disappearing into the ocean, but of becoming the ocean”. A person’s outlook on someone based on the “outside” can completely cloud one’s judgment, but if you change your perspective, it could be an entirely different thing than what you believed before. The metaphor in that last line is extremely powerful because it is highlighting that idea of needing to push oneself to grow, change isn’t scary if you're willing to embrace it. It also highlights the fact that in order to grow you must leave your comfort zone.

Through this project, I began learning more about the different emotions I have taught myself to cope with. I mask my true emotions with ones that make other people feel comfortable. I do not account for my own sanity and well-being as I try to please those around me. I used to think that if my friends were happy then I would be too, but during my time at BLS I have come to learn quite the opposite. It was a common trend for other people as well to be perceived as these confident, charismatic people that did not allow themselves to feel sadness, but this was just the facade they upheld to fit in with different friend groups. This project highlighted the social identity theory that has mentions of different ways people will want to be the “in group” and avoid becoming an outsider. We all yearn to have friends that respect our values and accept us for who we are, rather than what they want us to be; especially if it is not something we see for ourselves in the present or future.

We all have our own first impressions of people, but this project forced us to look beyond our initial thoughts and biases to see the person for who they are, ignoring this idea of an outsider as stated in the video “The Science Behind Us vs. Them.” We were able to place ourselves into each other’s shoes and better understand how everyone operates under various situations, primarily due to everyone having such contrasting views about what makes up their identities. This ties into how conformity influences our expectations of each other, as we each assume the behavioral habits that have actually been instilled in us from before. For example, how we act with friends in school could differ drastically from how we interact outside of the classroom setting as we are not expected to be as professional. In “How Social Media Shaped Our Identity,” Nausicaa Renner urges the reader to understand how technology “allows us to produce a narrative of our lives” and grants a person more freedom of expression (Renner). However, the internet is often the root of many problems, especially today in such a time that depends upon the internet to thrive. Many people will become fixated on putting out the perfections of themselves and will desperately try to conceal their flaws, even if they must jeopardize their morals. This toxic culture is integrated into young minds at such a fast rate that it has increased the number of insecurities and identity crises teenagers endure. It has become normalized for everyone to peep into each other's lives and make judgments about it, but they are only imploring their own biases based on societal interactions they have had, excluding the reasoning that someone may have for doing something. However, empathy was a key theme to the identity vessel as everyone needed to have respect for all that people have faced in life to fully grasp the impact it has on their views.

If you do not pre determine your identity, and be confident in who you are as a person, then your identity is easily malleable, and easy to be changed by society. This project opened my eyes to this because going through the process, as well as seeing other people’s vessels, you realize in many different cases, that there is almost always something you do not expect on the inside for each person, or the thing inside is not commonly known. Despite something not being commonly known, it is still an important part of you, so if you do not solidify that part of yourself, it can easily be changed when facing the real world. Especially in today’s society, where many times social media and other people pressure you to believe one thing, it is hard to keep your personal identity. Since social media holds a big variety of strong opinions, people tend to not even have time to form their own, so that leads them to just choose one, without actually taking a second and really forming an idea. Living in an era like this leads to many people constantly changing and being simply a reflection of all the ideas put onto them. Khalil Gibran, in his poem, Fear, talks about this a little bit. He talks about a river being afraid to join into a big and vast ocean, as well as it never being able to turn back. Like us, the river is afraid of losing their own personal qualities when joining the ocean. Also, sometimes when you speak on something, people see you differently so you can not simply just turn back on that opinion. So whenever you feel strongly about something, and that something is a part of your identity, you need to make sure that is what you believe, and it is strong enough to hold up when you join an ocean.

The experience of learning what is under the surface level with people I already knew, or thought I knew, and people I wasn’t acquainted with at all, was eye opening for me. Although I have previously pondered on the lives of my fellow classmates, this project made it possible to feel connected to my peers in a way that I couldn’t just from being in the same class(es). It’s difficult to truly socialize and get to know people as we instinctively make judgments after the first or second interaction. Even prior to ever talking to someone, rumors, gossip, or any remark, whether true or false, or good or bad, can and does get spread around. This “prior knowledge” not only impacts how we view people we may not even know, but also how others perceive us. It can really hinder new possible relationships because of our preconceived notions of others. Throughout the process of making my vessel I noticed that I was not alone in finding difficulty about what to add on the outside of my vessel. People, especially around my age as a teen, tend to care so much about what other people think of them, and yet we clearly have little to no idea how we are actually perceived. I saw many people add generic things on the outside, which makes sense, but in a way it also highlights how the majority of people only see what is on the surface. Part of this could explain why some would choose to write vague papers, so as to not get too personal because of the discomfort or fear of being judged or standing out. As a society the average person subconsciously wants to be part of the crowd, not alone on the side. In the poem Identity, Julio Pollanco touches upon this in the phrase, “If I could stand alone, strong and free, I’d rather be a tall ugly weed” (Pollanco 21-22). This quote mentions the dread of possibly being ostracized, and how that can lead to questionable behaviors, when you are part of a group. On the flip side, some of the vessels were more personal, and unlike how I imagined the specific individual. It made me question if my initial perception of them was wrong, or maybe just incomplete. Whatever the case is, I learned to at least appreciate the complexity and depth of everyone I am surrounded by, even if we never become close.